Defeat

Empty.cold.broken

Damp.cold.forgotten

Feels like I’m dying inside

Rusting, decaying and molding

Ugliness, consuming, burning, raging

Have you ever felt ugly?

Disgusting, hideous, despicable

Felt so unattractive that you just wanted

To simply disappear?

Sometimes disappearing would be easier

Than feeling this

So much despair until it feels like

This is all I was ever meant to feel

Am I that broken?

That shattered, disfigured?

It makes me wonder, or rather worry

Can I even be ever seen as beautiful?

Ever have something reciprocrated?

Or am I forever meant to catch a glance from the outside

Staring through the glass wall

Watching those around me live

In bliss and all their surrounded beauty

Can I be loved?

Do I want to be loved?

Or do I simply want to crumble and be no more?

I’m tired, and perhaps I really don’t know anymore

Or maybe I’ve just given up trying

And for now I’m fine with that

For there is nothing more I can do

And I’m so tired of hoping

Only to have the sense of it broken

And so as depressing as it sounds,

I’ve simply accepted defeated

For it’s much easier that way

Accepted defeat. Welcomed it,

Applauded it…

I’ve accepted defeat

For in doing so

I manage to hold to what’s left

Of my withering sanity