Me On Rewind

Me on Rewind: Perhaps I’ll Fast Forward Soon

It’s been days, weeks, months and surprisingly now almost a year.

The time’s gone by and with it my mood, temparement and personality has shifted.

I remenisce about the days, when I’d be crazy, fun, stupid

Laughter would be constantly pouring from my soul, a way of expressing my bubbly curious self

People were my forte, loving being around them, learning about them and experiecing whatever with them

Those were so the days, that even though I struggled with, it had’nt consumed me yet

Loudness, craziness, bubbliness, funness, all the positive nesses were part of me and life was never  a dull moment

In where the sun always seemed to shine in little instances, moments of life

But then hard times came my way, the clouds moved in, the sky darkened to an almost palapable blackness

That sunshine I often glittered in died down into almost nothing, actually it became nothing

Laughter became scarce, spontinaity was a rarity and seclusion now became my forte

Moods blackened, negativity became my cruch, my very lifeline

I never realized that when ‘it’ came how much it sucked a part of me out of me

How much it stole, cheated and lied to me

How much it paralyzed and left me in complete darkness

When ‘it’ had almost consumed me, I decided to hit pause, sit back and zoom out of life and ponder

Looking at that image of everything and how it was engulfing every aspect of life, I simply decided

That I wanted to rewind...can you imagine if life was simply on rewind?

I wanted to rewind to the sunshine moments, the crazy blissful moments,

The bubbly full of laugther, laugh-so-hard-until-your-stomach-hurt moments...

The spontaneous moments, just all the fun, carefree, problem-free moments,

But life isn’t programmed on pause, or rewind and the sooner I realized this

The better I was doing for myself as i began to try to attain and get back those sunshine moments

As I began to try, bit by bit and piece by piece to get back parts of my personality, my temperament...

As I tried to improve my mood, and try and grasp for those sunshine moments

It hasn’t been easy, no one ever said it was easy...

But writing this has made me realize I liked the majority of me on rewind...

Me on rewind was the fun me, the crazy me, the young me and

Although I may probably never get rewind me at one hundred percent,

I’m pretty darn sure I can attain most of it back, bit by bit, piece by piece,

One day at a time...

Hmm, now if only I could fast-forward and get the ‘me’ on rewind sooner...

Perhaps I’ll do that, fast-forward soon that is...But actually i’ll just keep this pace and be patient,

Because just like a good movie on fast-forward, I may miss the good parts.

By Wangui Muya