Wondering...

I’m lying here, at the wee hours of the morning, still up from failing to fall asleep

Just wondering and pondering, on I don’t know what...My minds racing, swimming with

Random thoughts like...

Have you ever been a room full of people and felt alone? Have you ever felt like you were breaking inside, yet you had to smile for the world to see? Have you ever felt like you were just about to fall off the edge, give up and check out? Felt like laughter was rare and happiness was a mere myth? Ha I know this is deep but I’ve so very often found myself there...I’ve wondered if I was a good person, a nice person, sometimes even worried that maybe deep inside there was this dark side of me...I’ve worried that I wasn’t good enough, smart enough, pretty enough or whatever enough...I’ve wondered simply wondered so many things, most of them at these odd hours of the night, when the world’s asleep...Random thoughts just bombard my mind, spiralling and spinning into I don’t even know what

Yet, with all this, I know I’m not alone...There are many others like me, wondering, thinking and pondering, because let’s face it, we’re all not perfect, no one is, we all seek approval, affection, acceptance...But as I lay here and think, I realize the wondering is the human worldly part of me, its redundant..Because time and time again I realize the only acceptance, affection, that I need comes from God, and from there I’m beginning to see myself in a different way...This has been all over the place, but bottom line, if we open our hearts and let Him in, He’ll change us in ways we never dreamed; because I’m simply tired of dreaming, I want to live it.<3